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Marnie

Death is too good for this cat!

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Some of you know that I have been sick for over a month now on and off. I had C-Difficle which basically means diarrhea hard-mode. I've been to doctors, been on medication, spent a day in the hospital, had a CT scan. I've been poked, prodded, etc., yet continue to shit my pants regularly. Because I've lead a dreadful past and must be punished further for my sins, my boss came to work sick three days last week and I've also got a chest cold now. (Coughing and diarrhea make for lots of laundry.) Anyway, through most of this I've missed very little work (even worked yesterday, a Sunday, until 7:30pm because I am a stubborn idiot and we have a very important grant being submitted today).

Anyway, this isn't really about my shitty problems (well it is and it isn't). I just want to set the stage for my current bitching session.

My mother owns a psychotic cat. The cat, Baby, used to belong to my brother, but he married a wise woman who said "That cat isn't living with us!" Now I love cats, let me make that clear. In fact, I had three of my own throughout my life. But this cat has serious bathroom issues. She's got my mother trained to read her deranged mind. My mother "senses" when to physically pick her up and take her to the litter box and chant the necessary lines to coax her to do her thing in the box. My mother even buries for her, as that is simply too scary for Baby. Somehow my mother's system works as long as nothing traumatic happens in her household, like if a repair person arrives, a storm occurs, someone sneezes or coughs, or she happens to spy a leaf blowing around in the wind through the window. All of these things (and many more) terrify her into a state of psychosis. These episodes can last a few days or until a few pounds of shit have been launched, whatever comes first. She will tear about the house shooting shit missiles across tables, up the walls, under furniture, anywhere and everything is a target. Sometimes excrement isn't enough and urine or vomiting occurs as well. The only thing you can count on is that she will fly through every room in the house.

Now probably because I've been sick, and obviously not in right mind, I volunteered to take the cat to my place for the month of March as my mother is travelling to visit family out west. Although she was my brother's cat, I felt bad that he would commute to my mother's place after work each evening, spend the night there, clean up the messes no doubt he would find, wake up go to work and repeat. I have laminate flooring, a smaller place, how bad could it be?

Actual Emails:

March 1st:

Hi Mom,

Glad you got there safely. Baby has been a very good girl. Grabbed her at 4:15am when she started to cry softly. She peed and pooped right away. She hasn't eaten much, put a second food/water dish in my room (also a set in the kitchen). She ate/drank from that bowl today, although not much. She found a safe spot in the bottom of my night table so I put a towel in it to make a little bed. She's been content to nap with me on and off all day and night. So far everything is great with her. She seems calm (no crying) and I hope soon she'll feel more comfortable to wandering around a bit more and eat more too.

Not so great with me though. Fever in the night, little sleep, only ate yogurt today so far. Wish I could go out and buy some easy eat/cook food, but I feel weak, headache, and just not up to going out. Drinking lots of water and except for a load of laundry, doing nothing. Just had a shower, so at least I feel fresh.

Not looking forward to work tomorrow, but what can ya do?

Say hello to everyone for me. Will give you an update tomorrow.

Love you,

Marnie

March 3 (Today) 7:15am:

Hi Mom,

I worked yesterday until 7:30pm. Got home exhausted. Fed Baby went to bed shortly after. After being in bed for a while, I kept smelling something fishy and gross. I assumed it was her food which was close by. Waking up again at midnight, the smell was still there so I investigated sniffing my blankets. Certain areas did have a bad smell, so I assumed she spit up bile or something undetectable. I stripped my bed and remade it.

2am, I wake to her scooting off my bed and tearing into the living room. That same smell fills my nostrils, only this time I can see the pile of shit bedside me on the bed I just remade at midnight. I start to make up the bed again (this time with bits and pieces because she's soiled my backup set). While making the bed, I step in a puddle of piss. Not wanting to track my wet foot everywhere, I use the towel I put in her cubby hole to wipe off until I can clean better, dumb bitch!

Smelly, shitty towels, blankets, etc. are piled in the laundry room. My foot is washed. I believe my room is clean, but that horrible fishy smell still lingers. I didn't yell at her, she knew I wasn't happy. I look around the room one more time before going back to bed. She walks over to her own furry bed and proceeds to take a piss in it while watching me. Fucking retarded bitch wrecks her bed now too!!!

Back up with drippy piss bed to throw in the 7 foot high pile of laundry. When I walk into my room I still smell shit so decide the food dish is staying in the kitchen from now on period. If she starves because she won't look for food, so be it.

4am I wake to another strong odor of shit. Are you fucking kidding me??? Yep there it is on my floor by the computer. My room had just aired out and now I think the smell of fishy cat shit will never leave my memory or bedroom.

Heading to work now, if she fucks up again, I'm filling the place with nooses. Maybe she'll take the hint and strangle herself. I'm sick, tired and fed up. She is on life number 8.

Cheers!

P.S. Still sick, shit my pants at 5am, alarm went off at 6am.

Edited by Marnie
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Omg Marnie! I can't even begin to imagine everything you're going through. The stomach sickness, the chest cold, and now this dumb cat. The good thing is they say bad things come in 3's, so hopefully after this month of fishy cat shit you'll be home free.

Just know we love you! Sending you good vibes from afar. <3

PS: What would happen if the cat "mysteriously" disappeared before your mom got back?...

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Marnie, you have a gift with conveying yourself with words. You should consider writing some fiction but in the form of a diary by a fictitious character.

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Marnie, you have a gift with conveying yourself with words. You should consider writing some fiction but in the form of a diary by a fictitious character.

We have been telling her this for years!

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