Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Marnie

Story Time

21 posts in this topic

Once upon a time ...

there was a man named Empror1 that found himself with far too much free time on his hands. Rather than invest this time to better his future or mankind, he decided to join forces with the God of all things Evil, Kngkyle. Together they created and lead a clan of like-minded people with more free time than common sense. Alas, Skillers United was born. A world wide recruitment drive started and the clan grew bigger as more and more defective humans were drawn in from the depths of their parent`s basements.

The purpose of the clan was to gather people that spent as much time as possible neglecting everything in the world that had purpose by playing a role in a game of fantasy. The massive amount of time they wasted playing this game however wasn`t enough. The people in this clan had to go above and beyond other similar clans that were forming and become the greatest time wasters of all. Normal life activities beyond basic nutrition, hygiene and sleep had to be kept to an absolute minimum or members would be sought out and disgraced. This was done in several forms including bullying, insulting, back stabbing, and shunning/alienation. The result usually ended with these members either being banned by the God of all things Evil (Kngkyle) or sometimes they would quickly rage-quit in a failed attempt to maintain dignity. The failures of past members will never be forgotten because it is common place for ongoing members to continue to disgrace and dishonour the names of the banished among active clan mates. The stories of shame are also used as examples for the newest recruits.

Occasionally the clan has found itself in a rut mainly due to the fact that the fantasy game for which the clan decided to waste their massive amounts of time was also going through some hard times. In fact, this game, called Runescape was losing followers due to changes in leadership and policies of their new governing forces. The leadership of Skillers United also went through some changes. Marco was known to take long hiatuses for reasons that remain a mystery. He was replaced by a female member, Tiffa and not long after by a new female member called Kristen. Kristen999 was unable to meet the experience standards of the clan but compensated by providing sexual relief to many of the male members that were unable to climb the stairs from their basements to engage with other females. She is also one of the most famous time wasters in Runescape history. It took several years for Kristen999 to make her way through all the male members and eventually retire from pure exhaustion. She has been known to surface on occasion to initiate any new members that have joined.

Eftydub replaced Kristen999 and although he has been a leader of the clan for several years now, we are still unsure of his role. Not only does his role evade us, but his true identity also has most of us stumped. He is known as the God of Mystery and it is rumoured that he may actually be a spy sent by a rival clan to learn the secrets of no-lifing (although he himself does not practice the art).

I will take a moment to mention some of the more famous members both past and present and hope you might also add to the list at the end of my story.

Season, has been with the clan for many years. She is one of the older members and famous to Runescapers in general. She has assisted many people with her video guides and tries to be helpful to all players. Be warned however, that she answers questions in code. If you are unable to decipher Season-speak, you may wish to seek guidance elsewhere. She is known to have entire conversations in unknown chats and is easily confused.

Cyrus H, is another member that can guide players. Usually he is not sought out however, but rams his ideas down your throat without provocation. A review of his experience levels cannot deny his ability, however his methods are harsh and to the point. He is also known in the clan for his sense of humour (notice I did not say `good` sense of humour, this was not an oversight). What tickles his funny bone, may leave you retching. Click on his links at your own risk.

Juju Potion, a manager in the clan is one of the nicest and most approachable members. You will find him easily over the next 10 years in a Castle Wars lobby. He takes time wasting to a whole new level and seeks the infamous orange smoke trail. Meurk, a returning member has also become addicted to the `orange trail`; but he struggles with the consumption of red wine as well. He must decide which colour to follow in order to succeed. Pax Aureus is another manager and an extremely kind clan member. Currently he has strayed slightly from his fantasy goals as he is toying with ideas of real life education. As he is quite young, we continue to hold hope that he doesn`t stray down this path of obvious failure. Being a victim of a recent hacking and losing his accumulated wealth particles may be the cause of his current poor decision making.

Banned Moo is a killer. He is addicted to violence and consumed with death. His motto is `if it breathes it must die`. He is a good person to have on your side. In the past I have offered up free membership to keep this beast at bay. Another killer and new member of the clan is Scary Look. As we find out more of his personality, we`ve come to realize that not only his looks are scary. He has been attempting to populate the clan with his followers, people such as HeckYea, Mattiee and very recently Eric. He must be watched and Cyrus H has been assigned to the job.

Gbh taught us the evils of straying from the basement. In a spree of recklessness he spawned an offspring and for the next 20 years he must work with a handicap. As if that life lesson wasn`t enough, in a desperate attempt to find happiness, Gbh threw his bank into an arena of other players and will never be able to let go of the thought `if only I stopped when ...` One of his real world acquaintances and self proclaimed `best manager` is Shackleton. He left the clan shortly after some `shitty` rumours surfaced. He was also known as Shaton. We can learn from a member named Ray as well. Until recently he was the clan playboy living a carefree life, but in a self destructive act partnered with a lady from the real world, we may never hear from him again.

Vicki is somewhat of a clan loner. She has a deep hatred of trees and spent much of her time in clan killing them. Some members have taunted her in the past, but they should be warned that her mind is as sharp as her axe and her relentless training makes her swing strong and swift. Our clan hippie is Stay Shady, if you know him in person, you will not only discover that he is likely stoned but that his head and face are covered in massive amounts of hair. At one time I thought he must live in a cave on some snow covered mountain, growing fur for warmth. I was completely wrong however, because it was later discovered that he wears nothing more than a bright pink thong. Speaking of hairy, Yingblade recently revealed that he has a very hairy chest, I also suspect hairy palms. He is not well known by most members but has the deepest voice known to man. Giyx for the main part stays out of the radar. He is working towards maxing and has done well in past competitions. I wish he would change his name to Gixy because that is what I call him out loud. How the hell do you even pronounce Giyx?

Hustle 99s is a member that comes and goes. He is active is splurts and this makes it more difficult to get to know him well. FearlessOne is shy and rarely speaks unless spoken to. I have to admit I know him too little to showcase his failures for you. Blind, although a personal friend, is also relatively quiet and inactive. He only claims to be blind in order have an excuse to run his hands over the ladies. Sunbow never leaves divination and can be relied on to hold the clan avatar. He appears to be drawn to balls, although not in the same manner as Kngkyle or Mangekyo Elf.

Mangekyo Elf is a quiet member. When he is not wasting his time in game, he is wasting it watching Glee. His worst mistake was befriending Kngkyle which is yet another example of his poor taste. While I am on the subject of poor taste, Bradly must be mentioned. Recently he has been straying from the clan. Kristen999 was deployed on a mission to lure him back, but seems to have failed. I can`t think of appropriate words to describe Bradly, he is so vile that if you plan to interact with him proceed with extreme caution. As with Cyrus H, I`d advise you to refrain from clicking any links that he may offer. I recommend a `sick bag` close at hand when dealing with either of the above two. Which brings me to Jumper000, who has recently failed us. Before his downfall he was someone to be reckoned with. He was a no-lifer supreme. Although it cannot be directly connected, I can`t help but blame Emily (aka Miss Fingers, aka ?) For a while she practiced mind control on several clan members and it may have left permanent damage on Jumper000.

I was asked to write a new story for you and about you all and post it on the forums. I`ve already wasted far too much time on this so I`ll just end it here.

... and they all lived happily ever after.

Please Note:

If I have not named and shamed you it is either because you need to be more active when I am sober so that I can think of clever things to say about you, or you have retired long enough ago that we bash you in our skype calls and therefore you must not fear that you`ve been forgotten.

Edited by Marnie
5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

7/10

First part was spot on. Then you put on your kiddie gloves when talking about other members.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have 3 or 4 more followers I need to get in the clan, but overall entertaining .

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tiffa led? RIP Tiffa & Almez.

So many names I've never spoken to in that list. What's the best way to fix this?

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

LMFAO Marnie I love your stories! Yes, my mission to lure Bradly failed. Much sad :(

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just read this gutted I disappeared before getting to know all you guys 1st time round

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like we need a newer version of this, or at least an addition to this story- a new chapter?

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like we need a newer version of this, or at least an addition to this story- a new chapter?

daniel-bryan-yes-cheer.gif?w=300

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0